


Hammurabi's Method

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel, X-Men (Movies), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Cock-Blocking, Crack, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-02 20:51:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven won't let the death of her private life go unavenged. Charles and Hank get caught in the crossfire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hammurabi's Method

It’s not that Raven is paranoid enough to think that Erik is doing it on purpose—it’s that she is completely, utterly sure (without the aid of any paranoia) that he is. Because once was bad timing. Twice was extended bad luck.

Sixteen times is just ridiculous. And Raven’s getting a little bit frustrated. A lot of bits frustrated. And Erik might say that she can only use half of her strength while she’s focused on keeping up her appearance, but she thinks that fifty percent of her strength is plenty enough with which to punch him in the face and knock his teeth out.

She’d do it, too, were it not for the fact that then Charles would glare and her and make puppy eyes at Erik, and then go and give Erik exactly what she’s currently being _prevented_ from getting. And that’s just more irony than she’s willing to deal with.

So she comes up with a plan. It’s an excellent plan, and she’d share it with Hank did she not think he’d try and talk her out of it (because he’s convinced that Erik simply keeps happening upon them by chance, no matter the statistical improbability, and he wouldn’t want to risk irritating him too badly), so she keeps it to herself. Maybe the others notice that morning the particularly devious smirk on her lips, or the quiet laughs that slip out when she observes Erik and Charles lingering together that sound altogether more sinister than they should, but neither her brother nor her primary target seem to be aware of anything, and that’s all that matters.

\-----

Every night, Charles and Erik play a game of chess together in the library. There is an unspoken rule amongst the students that no one should interrupt this time, lest they risk exposing themselves to images their pure minds would be unable to tolerate (not to mention unusually adversary reactions from their silverware at mealtimes the next day).

Raven arrives promptly at 8:05, just as the first move is made. She smiles sunnily at the two men as they look up at her in surprise, then walks over to Charles and slumps down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Hello, Raven,” he says bemusedly, clearly unused to having his time with Erik interrupted. “Is something the matter?”

“Oh, nothing,” she says, grinning. “I just thought you two might want the company. It has to be kind of lonely spending all this time together, just the two of you. It’s better with three, right?”

Charles looks cautiously between her and Erik, who is regarding her suspiciously. “I wouldn’t say lonely, exactly, but of course I would never complain about your wonderful companionship,” he says smoothly, though his body language plainly _reads please go away_. And maybe she’s doing this to get back at Erik, but the part of her that remembers Charles disregarding her to go flirt with girls with heterochromia takes no small pleasure in ignoring his silent request.

“Fantastic,” she replies. She looks pointedly at Erik, and then snuggles closer to Charles. “You know, we should spend a lot more time together like this. Don’t you think, Erik?”  
Raven watches in amusement as the muscles in Erik’s jaw work. Eventually, he tries a smile that comes out more like a grimace. “Of course.”

She stays for the duration of the game, and although the conversation is easy, there is an underlying tension in the room. Charles and Erik continually send each other looks, and hints are dropped with different degrees of subtly that _wouldn’t Raven rather be spending time with the others?_ , but when the game finally draws to a close, Raven announces that she’ll accompany Charles back to his room, and neither he nor Erik are able to supply adequate reason to dissuade her, so the two men go their separate ways.

Raven spends a great deal of time patting herself on the back that night. Even literally, she feels so giddy. Alex looks at her strangely when she passes.

\-----

When she shows up the next three nights in a row, Erik seems to figure out what she’s doing. Charles is less enlightened, but considering the mostly amicable relation his two companions used to have, he’s clearly noticed something’s off as they now spend most of their time together subtly digging into one another. Nor is he pleased at her intrusions on his private time with Erik—he may not have realized how intentional they are, but he is obviously not amused by his sister’s efforts to ruin his sex life.

Noticing Charles’s growing frustration, Raven begins actively monitoring the hall between his and Erik’s rooms to make sure no one leaves them in the middle of the night. Once she catches Charles slipping from his room and sneaking towards Erik’s, and heads him off pretending to have been up getting a drink. Embarrassed at being caught, he’s easily herded back to his own bed. Raven congratulates herself on a plan well executed.

Of course, she would feel more accomplished if Erik weren’t still ruining her _every attempt_ to get somewhere with Hank. Whether in his lab, his hands tangling in her blond hair and her legs around his waist (a knock, a cough, and a request to meet with the group in the dining room, though no one else arrives for half-an-hour), or on the couch in the living room (“Aren’t you a little young to be dabbling in exhibitionism?”), or even in Hank’s _room_ (“I believe you’re meant to be training right now.”), it seems Erik will find them and absolutely ruin the moment.

Were she not sure the only telepath in the house is too ethical to do it, Raven might suspect that someone is tracking her and Hank’s thoughts to discover the perfect time to interrupt them. As it is, Raven isn’t sure how Erik always seems to know. She isn’t sure she wants to.

Actually, she is sure, because if she knew maybe she could find a way around it. Right now, her only option seems to be outlasting Erik’s tolerance for celibacy. Considering the amount of practice she’s already had courtesy of him, it should be easy.

\----

It isn’t easy, and after a week Charles has figured it out, which only makes things infinitely worse.

She and Erik are hardly on civil speaking terms anymore, and the rest of the house has noticed. Hank still refuses to acknowledge Erik’s purposeful interference in their (currently nonexistent) love life, but he’s stopped even attempting to so much as make eyes at Raven when Erik’s around. Raven’s only comfort is that she’s managed to derail Erik and Charles’s nightly chess games altogether.

The downside to that, of course, is that now she’s spending a great deal of time alone with Charles, who is less than impressed by their antics. He hasn’t said anything to her directly, most likely because he fears that in acknowledging their conflict he would in some way validate it and force it into a more directly confrontational medium (which Raven wouldn’t mind at this point, because then she could both prevent Erik form getting laid _and_ punch him in the teeth), but Charles is quite capable of getting his irritation across in subtext.

On top of everything, the growing stress has made it significantly more difficult for her to control her powers. Several times, she’s lost her hold on her form and begun to slip into her natural shape before catching herself. Erik, meanwhile, seems to be having no such difficulty with his abilities, compounding her frustration.

“This is ridiculous,” she growls, pacing the floor of Hank’s room. “I haven’t had this kind of trouble controlling my powers since I was a child. What makes him think he has the right to—”

“Raven, are you even sleeping anymore?” Hank interrupts. She stares at him incredulously, as clearly sleep was of little import when compared to the cause of constantly monitoring Erik and Charles’s nightly interactions.

Hank frowns with worry. “You spend every night dedicating yourself to, to this insane quest to get back at Erik for whatever it is you think he’s doing. Even your tight control and impressive abilities are going to suffer under this kind of siege mentality with so little rest.”

She glares at him. “Well, what do you expect me to do?” she demands. “If I’m going to be miserable, I’m at least going to bring him down with me, whatever that takes.”  
“Raven,” Hank protests, at a loss for words.

Huffing, Raven shakes her head. “You just don’t understand. Leave it alone. I’m going to go check up on Charles.”

“Wait, please—”

Raven brushes past him, ignoring Hank’s pleas.

\----

Talking to Charles doesn’t help. In fact, as he rambles along at her about peaceful cohabitation and the negative mental impact of poor relations with one’s fellows, and the further stress and limitations that would place upon one’s ability to control one’s powers, she finds herself growing yet more contemptuous and irritated.

She shifts on the couch, trying to ignore his concerned prattling. She hums along absently when appropriate, instead concentrating on shifting the color of her hand along the color spectrum, trying to regain the feeling of easy control she’s had for so much of her life.

“Charles, Raven, mind if I join you?”

Raven’s head jerks up at the sudden intrusion of Erik’s voice, whipping around to scowl at him.

“Erik,” Charles exclaims cheerfully. “Of course we don’t. We were just finishing up our chat, anyway, weren’t we Raven?”

“Sure,” she says dismissively, settling back into her seat. “Come on in. I just love spending time with you two.” Folding her arms, she muttered to herself, “It’s all I seem to do these days, anyway.”

Charles glares at her pointedly, letting her know she hadn’t been as quiet as she’d meant to be. She rolls her eyes at him. Another moment passes. Charles sighs, apparently giving up on her, and turns to their intruder. “So, what was it you wanted to talk about, Erik?”

“Actually,” Erik replies, “I was hoping to talk to Raven for a moment. Alone.”

Raising an eyebrow, Charles murmurs, “Oh?” He glances between the two of them, as if considering the possible consequences of allowing two rabid animals to be kept in a cage together. Eventually, he stands. “I’ll be in the kitchen, then. A late night snack sounds wonderful.”

“Good night, Charles,” Erik says as he passes by.

Charles smiles at him softly. “Goodnight, Erik.”

Raven tries to resist gagging at the sheer amount of romantic tension between them. When the door finally closes behind Charles, it’s a relief.

For the moment until she remembers she’s now stuck in a room with an angry Nazi killer, at least. Any desire to actually fight him evaporates under the realization that she’d probably be skewered with a letter opener before she could land a punch.

“So,” Erik says, eyes hardening as they light upon her. Raven suppresses a shiver. For all of their games, it’s sometimes easy to forget that, if this was serious to Erik, she would probably have been dead by now. It’s unnerving to have the brute force of his anger directed at her like this.

“So,” she repeats. “Giving up?” she tries to jest, but it falls flat. Erik’s cold gaze remains steady.

“I understand what you’re doing,” he says. “As personal revenge goes, it’s fairly eye-for-an-eye. On principal, I’d usually say I like it. But in this instance, you’re taking it out on me, which is unacceptable. And dragging Charles into it certainly isn’t helping your case.”

“And Hank and I really did something to deserve you butting into our private lives and making our time together hell,” Raven counters.

“You don’t understand,” Erik says frankly. “But cruelty is an effective teaching tool, and one I’m familiar with. It will sink in eventually. Until it does, this is your warning you to back off.”

With that, Erik abruptly turns to leave. Raven splutters, “What does that even mean? And why should I—damn it, you—!” But he’s gone.

Raven stares after him for a moment, lost and irritated.

She still stakes out their rooms that night. Because if that jerk won’t give her peace, then he isn’t getting any either.

\----

The next day is her lucky break.

“Raven, are you sure—?” Hank stammers breathlessly. Raven’s hands move across his chest, playing with the buttons of his shirt. “The lab isn’t exactly the best place for—”

Smiling slyly, Raven slides her hand lower, watching Hank’s breath catch. “I don’t know. There’s just something about you, my genes, and a microscope that does it for me.” She presses more closely against him, trapping her hand against his naval. “Besides, it’s sterile. And you haven’t complained before.”

“But what about—about—?”

Raven pulls back, unwilling to enjoy the moment with Erik’s face in her mind. “He’s with Charles. He wanted to watch Alex train to see how he’s progressing. Even Erik’s insane quest to ruin our lives can’t keep him away from watching someone blow something up with their super powers. It’s a guarantee of privacy.” Raven grins, leaning back down towards Hank.

“It’s just you and me, now,” she whispers in his ear. Hank shivers.

Their eyes meet, and for a moment, Hank’s grip tightens around her waist. Then, with a look of great effort, Hank pushes her away. Raven frowns, trying not to feel hurt. “What is it, Hank?” she asks. “I though you wanted…”

“I do,” Hank says quickly. “I just—it doesn’t feel right, Raven, like this. Now. Here. And you… when’s the last time you slept at all? Your powers allow you to go on longer than most, but even you aren’t without—without needs. It doesn’t feel right, with you in this state.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” she demands. “I’m not out of my mind, Hank.”

“I didn’t mean to—I—I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant at all. I just,” Hank stops, seeming to fish for the right words.

“It feels like you’re doing this to spite Erik rather than to be with me at this point,” he admits finally. “And you’re not acting like yourself recently. It just doesn’t feel—feel _right_.”

Raven gapes at him. “I’m not. Hank, how could you think that? Everything that’s been going on has been happening because I want to be with you. How can you—?” She trails off, stunned.

“I… I’ve got to go. I’m sorry,” she says eventually. Her eyes fall, unable to meet his concerned gaze. She straightens out her clothes and turns away, trying not to acknowledge the welling feeling of humiliation.

“Wait, Raven. Please don’t go,” Hank asks, but she ignores him.

He reaches out and grabs her arm, and she snarls at him, “Leave me _alone_ , Hank.” Raven yanks her arm back, but instead of letting go, Hank is pulled into her, and they both stumble over a lab chair and to the floor.

Her head hits the ground hard, and she lets out a grunt of pain, vision dancing. Hank, laying half on top of her, is similarly stunned. “That was a bad idea,” she groans.

She barely notices the lab door opening. “Oh,” comes a voice.

Erik. Even now, his mystical sense of horrible timing has him intruding at the time she wants him around least. She contemplates flipping him off before walking out, but isn’t yet sure she could even direct her legs to stand up properly. Raven tries to push herself up onto her elbows, but her vision blurs even further with the action, so she lets herself fall back to the ground. The additional knock to her head that incurs does little more than make her irritation grow.

“Sorry,” he says suddenly. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just thought you’d want to know that Charles wants to work with you at some point later today. He won’t mind if you take your time.” Then, as suddenly as he arrived, Erik left.

Raven wondered for a moment if she’d just hallucinated. Yet as her sight quickly cleared and her mind caught up to her, she was certain that she had, in fact, just seen Erik Lehnsherr deliberately leaving her alone with Hank.

…Did she win?

Hank was already up and rushing to help her up by now. “I’m so sorry, Raven,” he said, a look of intense guilt on his face. Raven waved him off, leaning against a desk and rubbing her head.

Hank glanced at the door. “What just happened?”

“I’m not really sure,” she replied slowly. “But I think I like it.”

Hank smiled at her. Then, hesitantly, he said, “Raven. You’re still…” He gestured at her vaguely.

Raven stared at him blankly, then—

And then she got it.

Hank’s smile grew as she shifted back into her usual blonde form. “I guess this means that we can start getting back to normal from now on—”

“You were right,” Raven interrupted. Hank looked at her in confusion.

“I really need to sleep.”

\----

Raven avoids Erik’s gaze for a while afterwards. She can’t bear to see Hank, either, and so spends a great deal of time curled up in Charles’s study with him. He seems to sense something has changed, or maybe he just read Hank’s mind and knows, she can’t be sure. For the moment, she doesn’t care. Whatever the case, he indulges her, engaging in easy conversation about books and cartoons. It feels almost like they’re kids again.

Things will go back to normal soon, she knows. With the threat of Shaw looming ever closer in their minds, no one can afford to hold real grudges at this point. Raven’s not sure if there’s a grudge to be held now, anyway. She doesn’t feel sure of anything.

Alone in her room that night, she stares at the blue scales on her hand and wonders.

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for the 1stclass_kink prompt: "After Erik cockblocks Raven and Beast, Raven makes it her life's mission to stop him getting laid. Charles is unimpressed." 
> 
> This took many more months to finish than is even a little bit justifiable.


End file.
